In seventeen days I will leave for China. With so little time left I have been getting a little lenient on the money I have. Most of the year I spent it keeping it saved up. As the yuan has been losing value recently a lot of this money would be better spent in China than bringing it home. I plan to purchase a tablet, and maybe some other nice stuff for myself as well as some gifts. One of the things I have been spending money on though is food I never tried before.
China has a lot of different and unique food completely unheard of in the USA. Cucumber flavored potato chips being a perfect example. Why someone would prefer such a flavor when cucumbers can just be purchased for quite cheap is beyond me, but alas it is an option here. I have also been enjoying the endless amount of tea China has to offer. Most of it has been very expensive so I´ve not purchased the higher ends, but lately I have been. The tea really is great if there is one thing I will miss about this country it will be the great tea.
It will also be weird not having to use chopsticks on a normal basis anymore. I plan to purchase some fancy chopsticks of my own here to use whenever I can in the US. I imagine I will quickly end that obsession once I go back to using fork and knives on my own but I need to spend this money on something so why not.
Living so close to New York City I imagine I will visit Chinatown a bit more frequently from now on. I guess I will try to preserve my Mandarin level since it can come in handy. These kids, and I can hold a basic conversation together so why not. I still have no plans to use the Chinese characters though. Fuck that. I tried to ask them to write down "sneeze" in Chinese, and almost none of them could do it. Even some of the adults I asked had difficulty with it. If the Chinese even have some problems with certain words, I think I will stick to using the pinyin thank you very much.
I go to church here on China on a regular enough basis that people know who I am at church. Despite the language barrier, I try my best. There are maybe two other foreigners whom I am friends with who also attend mass regularly. The other foreigners come and go. Sometimes some Indians and these two Italians pop up, but they also seem pretty sporadic. I also go to church on Tuesdays because I work on Sundays so for the most part I am often the only foreigner with a bunch of old Chinese people.
Christmas is about two weeks away, and I get the suspicion that some foreigners I know will be asking me about going to church. There are actually quite a number of foreigners here, but they do not seem to be religious at all. The United States is mostly Protestant, and I know there are Protestant Evangelicals here so there are options for whatever denomination one is. I´ve even posted on WeChat if anyone would be interested in attending mass in English as one of the new priests speaks it very well, but not one person responded.
Every year around Christmas the churches always get packed. Even in the US in my Hispanic community the packed churches get even more packed. I´ve always had mixed feelings about it, but as I learn more about Catholicism, I´ve started to grow more defensive of it. One foreigner I know says that he goes to church "out of tradition" despite not believing in God. I guess his family used to take him or something when he was younger, but he is not here in China with his family now so I do not get his reasoning. I even asked him what is the point, and he started talking about if I had ever done pancake fridays. I had no idea what he was talking about, and just told him it didn´t make any sense.
So if anyone asks me about going to church or I actually see some of them on church around Christmas time (I might have to work on Christmas day, such bullshit) I do not know if I will get angry about it. Like it just seems so fake to me. Why bother to go only one day out of the whole year? What is so special to YOU about this day? Can you even say you are a Christian still if you have this mindset? I feel conflicted because I know in certain "what if" scenarios I would not say anything yet in others I would which would make me a hypocrite. Then however I reason that these what if scenarios would probably never occur because said people would never even ask me. I still have not figured out what I would do since this might not even happen at all. If the person coming to mass had absolutely no idea the most basic of things like making the sign of the cross, I would probably chastise them. I cannot help it. You´re just using church to feel good about yourself at that point so yes I will call you out on your bullshit.
Or maybe no one will ask me, and I´ll just be chilling with the Indians at mass on Christmas day.
The Russian is back in my life.
I thought I was over her, and I guess not. A few weeks ago my roommate asked about her, and I casually brushed it off saying I did not care that she was in the city next to ours. It did though, and I could not sleep that night since it was on my mind so much. So I bit the bullet, and called her. It actually ended up being her birthday the day I called. We agreed to meet, and she came to Shaoxing. I know her too well. The way she was dressed that day was a sure sign she was trying to seduce me, and I could not resist her. I did not want to. I missed her so much. She also tried to make me jealous again like she always does by mentioning how she had gone on a date with some guy in her city, but those games do not work on me anymore.
We have been talking on the regular for almost a month now, but we do not have a lot of time. I am leaving China at the end of January. I´ve asked her to come live with me in the United States, but she puts so much restrictions, and never gives me a clear answer. She does not want to move to the US I know, and wants us to travel the world. We are getting older however, and if we do actually do that we will regret it down the line, especially when it will be time for us to want children. She says I need to visit her parents, but it just is not possible. We are both very poor, and I cannot be spending MY money doing so much. She never has to worry about the logistics of anything because I always deal with it so when I tell her it is pointless she just gets angry at me. I know it sounds like we do not really have a lot in common, but we do.
I told her I need an answer in December on what she is going to do. If she will come to the United States with me or not. Due to how marrying a foreigner works in the US I would need to marry her in Moscow so I would need to go regardless, but she needs to cut the crap and make a decision. I know moving to a whole other country for possibly the rest of your life is a big decision, but from the moment I told her to come to Asia with me she knew that things between us were serious.
In regards to Hong Kong girl she is just......there. We never really had a relationship, and on WeChat when I give her the Spanish lessons there is never any affection in the way we talk to each other. She, and I got along just fine, but it always felt that we were in different stages in our lifes despite only being three years apart from each other. I remember she wanted to play some computer games with me, and I played it cool, but in the back of my mind I was like 'Really?' since it just seemed so childish to me what we were doing. It almost felt like I pressed myself onto her which I know she didn´t mind, but her lack of experience was so obvious. Mine is the only tongue she has ever known.
Ironically enough the Russian needs to go to Hong Kong on Monday for resolving a visa issue. Only for one day, but still I find it ironic. Chinese girls still message me sometimes, and I know they are interested, but I do not really care. I want to marry the Russian so I have my eye on the prize at this point. She just needs to decide whether she really wants to make this work or not.
I went to Hong Kong again during a national holiday in China. I saw Hong Kong girl. I kissed Hong Kong girl, as well as some other stuff with Hong Kong girl. I do not know what I am doing with that relationship. I like her so much, but I am leaving China in January. My friend in Hong Kong keeps offering me a teaching job in Hong Kong, but no way in hell am I interested in doing that. I get so frustrated with this situation. Sometimes I wonder what she thinks about it all, but at times her inexperience in relationships really shows. When we kiss she acts like how I acted when I was 16! I do not know what to make of it.
I wish man I wish I could take her to the United States with me, but no way is it possible plus how feasible could our relationship really be in working out? We get along great, but it feels like I am a much older man dating a young woman despite only a two year difference. She has a certain naive innocence which I like so much, but I do not think it could handle the stress of life in the United States. She lives very sheltered and for that I believe she will never get married which makes me sad. She is so cute, but that does not really amount to anything in Hong Kong. With so many people around how many men will want to stick around a grown woman who sleeps with a Winnie the Pooh teddybear at night?
This all makes me very sad.
My Russian ex-girlfriend finally arrived in Hangzhou yesterday. She had told me she would be here on September 5th. Unsurprisingly that did not happy, but legit she is finally in China now. I had told her she had up until July 31st to get here. She got here on September 23rd.
She texted me yesterday and I called her, speaking to her briefly. She is supposed to call me tonight, but seeing as she just got here, I imagine there is a lot she needs to do. She wants me to visit her, but I am going to Hong Kong next week.....and will see the Hong Kong girl. I have not told the Russian anything about my love life. We haven´t really even spoken for months other than her saying she was coming here. Eventually we will see each other. Either she will come to Shaoxing or I to Hangzhou. It is only 20 minutes away. I don´t know how she will react. I know she likes to play it cool, but I know her well enough to know that she thinks there is still a chance of us getting back together. I don´t really want that, but to be honest, I want to have sex. If we see each other the sexual tension is going to be serious, and I know I cannot control myself. It is stupid though I am going back to the United States in January. I belong in the opposite part of the world not in Asia. At this point I really am just counting down the days.
When I go to Hong Kong I will probably just kiss the Hong Kong girl. I doubt anything more could come of it. The distance is too much for anything serious to ever possibly develop. The Americas is where I need to be. I need to stop kissing girls with accents not my own for once.
Out of boredom I downloaded the Chinese version of Tinder. Unlike Tinder where even fat girls think they are a 10, and are too good for even Justin Bieber lookalikes, the Chinese women are a bit more realistic in this regard. I have gotten a lot of matches on it, but the language barrier has often been too much. I have started asking if they can speak at least basic English otherwise it would be such a catastrophe of a date I would not bother. Well to be honest I have gone on dates with two women who speak English, but both have been utterly unreliable.
The first girl I met we got along very well. I kissed her, but after that she got REALLY clingy. Calling me everyday, wanting to see me. It got to the point where I told her to relax with the text messages because it was just too much. I decided to tell her that I will not be in China forever, and told her she needed to choose whether she just wanted to stay together while I was still here or just be friends. She did not take this well at all, and called me a horrible human being who played with her feelings. I´d known her for at most two weeks, and kissed her once, so that pissed me off, and we got into an argument. I blocked her on WeChat, but she messaged me again on Whatsapp. I get the feeling I will have to block her on Whatsapp as well. Absolutely nuts.
The second girl actually was not the same person she had on her Tinder App! So when we first met, I did not even realize who she was. She was average at best so at first I was disappointed, but she had such an awesome personality, and we had such a good time that I ended up liking her a lot. The problem was that ever since our first date she has stood me up. Twice she cancelled out at the last minute, the second of which I was waiting for her like an idiot while she never showed up. Always something and I do not chase girls like that so I deleted her on WeChat. Girls who do that are really stupid because it never attracts any good guys, and to be honest with her average looks it isn´t like she was on the top of the list for guys.
This idea was so stupid I should not have done it. I was giving the Hong Kong girl her weekly Spanish lesson and I was looking at her while she struggled answering my questions. I was absolutely smitten looking at her, but ever since then we basically act like we never even kissed. I guess it cannot be helped for obvious reasons. I even drunk texted her once saying I miss her, but she never responded to it. I need to get back to the USA. Romance between countries is a fucking headache.
I received a message from the Russian girl announcing she would be in Hangzhou, a nearby city to me, on Saturday. This turned a relatively quiet day into one full of pondering over what the hell? I had not spoken to her in a few months as I have mentioned previously here on Livejournal.
Of course, the very next day she writes to me again saying there is a problem with getting her visa, and that it will take some more time.
Woman I am already counting down the days until my return to the United States, last week I kissed a girl in Hong Kong, and will go back just to kiss her again. I completely changed my plans for you, you brushed me off, and so I ended the relationship. By the time you get here I´ll be packing my bags heading home.
The summer schedule is finally ending. I am having a lot more free time yet again, and not knowing what to do with it. I have so much free time I even started pondering writing fiction for amusement again. That is something I rarely do since on my time off I would much rather play the guitar, or excercise.
I have started to get noticeably good at the guitar. If I was at a party and someone had a guitar laying around I could pick it up and play a few crappy songs. Nothing musically impressive, but enough to impress the average person. I miss playing the bass guitar still. When I return to the United States I plan to purchase a new 4 string bass. Enough with the old used ones I have! My Fender P-Bass is ten years old. I love the thing, but using that thing for anything other than practice is not a good idea really.
Two weeks from now I will be going on vacation to Hong Kong in a week. All I can think about is of all things finally being able to get onto Facebook! Due to all these restrictions in China accessing so many websites is extremely difficult. I´ve made due without them for all this time just fine. Not having Youtube was difficult because I watched a lot of shows on there. I am always amused when people spend money on Netflix. There are so many good shows for free on there the only difference being that they are old shows. Sure I can see the temptation of wanting to see Game of Thrones right away, but when I can watch shows like Lost on Youtube I do not think I am losing out on too much.
Besides the internet I have two friends in Hong Kong I will be seeing. I hope they will be able to show me around. I keep thinking there is a Jackie Chan statue on the island, but I cannot remember if it is real or not. I know there is one of Bruce Lee for sure. My internet search here in mainland China shows me nothing, but that is no surprise really with how unreliable internet is here.
Last week a Chinese woman I know helped me to buy some things I needed. She saved me a lot of time by helping so in appreciation I offered to take her out for ice cream. It is something I always do whenever someone helps me as stuff like this can go a long way.
So last night I wrote to her on WeChat (Chinese version of Whatsapp) if she wanted to get ice cream today. She then asked me what I plan to do. Well I plan to buy you ice cream that is what I plan to do. I caught on by her tone of voice what she meant actually as it came off very flirtatious. That plus she told me that she was at a bar drinking only reinforced that fact. So if I make a move on her she would not reject my advances. Hhmmmmmmm.....
Nope. Not going to happen.
While she is alright (I´ve seen prettier Asian girls) in the looks department I cannot get over my distrust of them in how they view me. Very few Hispanics are in China and those that are tend to be of a pale complexion so are often mistaken for being European or American. I have had people not believe me at all when I say I am American so sometimes to avoid having to explain my racial background I just tell them I am Colombian. Technically not lying to them that way. So yes people see me and they have absolutely no idea what I am. Some maybe think I am Filipino which is a very realistic possibility as I can pass off as one. The point that I am getting at is that I am exotic to them, even more exotic than a white man would be. A Latin man in China!
I think when you´re exotic even if you are not handsome at all people will like you just because. I have seen the ugliest of foreign men with decent girls. I feel like I mentioned this before, but I remember there was one particular incident in which I felt like going up to this complete stranger and asking him if he really thought that what he had was a serious relationship. The dude, based on his attire alone, could never pull off getting a girl from back home with the one whose hand he was holding.
All these ugly dudes with pretty Chinese girls. Imagine all the handsome dudes out there? Even with the handsome guys I want to ask them if they can really see themselves marrying and living their lives in China. This is something I cannot see for myself. Having a child whose preferred language is neither English nor Spanish is not something I would like very much. I guess one could bring them to the United States, but this is easier said than done, and the cultural differences, despite there being Chinese populations in the US as well, would be immense. My one friend here is dating a girl. A girl he would never be able to get with back at home. I keep asking him if he plans on marrying her, and he always gives me a maybe as an answer. It is clear to me he has not really put much thought into how serious a relationship is. When I was 19 I went on a date and had a 18 year old ask me if I wanted kids. I did not take the question very serious at the time. Now at our age I definitely would, but he surely isn´t. It makes me distrust his girlfriend because she is a bit more experienced when it comes to dating, so she should see that coming from him. I feel like she is very dominating and just thinks she can force him to do it. She forced him to go to South Korea pretty much which was such a stupid incident even he was ashamed to bring it up and I was the one who had to. Any situation where a man is being dominated by a woman in a relationship is doomed for failure.
I do not plan to do anything tonight other than buy her ice cream. I am not even in the mood to be mischievious. By my actions I come off as very strong minded and macho (guess some people would call it sexist, the wankers), which I know women find appealing. I even said something sexist to her, and she wasn´t crying for the pitchforks. She is at that age where she wants to get married. This I know. A guy I met traveling through Shaoxing hung out with her a few nights. Decent guy, but a loser so he did not know how to handle her. I suspect she would like to move to the United States. Most people do love my country after all. She´ll be dissapointed tonight, but I won´t be with that delicious ice cream cone I´ll be having!
Maryland girl cut off all ties with me. We had not seen each other the past week because our work has kept us busy. I guess not having me around gave her enough courage to text me saying how she did not want to see it anymore. As usual, she wrote how she did not want to worry about someone (me) kissing her when she did not want it. Never mind the fact that she kissed me goodnight the last time we saw each other.
Nothing but drama and running away. It is always easy to do something like that on your cell phone, but if we were face to face she wouldn´t try that at all, and wouldn´t mind my kisses. That kind of attitude pisses me off. Take responsibility and do not make it sound like I am a criminal. You kissed me I kissed you it was not one sided at all.
I get tired of this drama. I cannot even make a serious effort with women anymore because of this sort of stuff so they just end up getting burned. I was thinking how a lot of women probably view me as their "mistake" but will never accept that it takes two to tango, and that I would be willing to settle down if they just accepted taking responsibility for their actions. It was because of a lack of being an adult that I ended it the Russian woman in the first place. All this is truly dissapointing. I doubt I will meet anyone else in my time here in China. As I mentioned before I have little interest in being with a Chinese woman and getting tied down here. Most of the other foreign women here are Russian and no way am I going down that road again.