Posted on 2016.10.07 at 19:32
I went to Hong Kong again during a national holiday in China. I saw Hong Kong girl. I kissed Hong Kong girl, as well as some other stuff with Hong Kong girl. I do not know what I am doing with that relationship. I like her so much, but I am leaving China in January. My friend in Hong Kong keeps offering me a teaching job in Hong Kong, but no way in hell am I interested in doing that. I get so frustrated with this situation. Sometimes I wonder what she thinks about it all, but at times her inexperience in relationships really shows. When we kiss she acts like how I acted when I was 16! I do not know what to make of it.
I wish man I wish I could take her to the United States with me, but no way is it possible plus how feasible could our relationship really be in working out? We get along great, but it feels like I am a much older man dating a young woman despite only a two year difference. She has a certain naive innocence which I like so much, but I do not think it could handle the stress of life in the United States. She lives very sheltered and for that I believe she will never get married which makes me sad. She is so cute, but that does not really amount to anything in Hong Kong. With so many people around how many men will want to stick around a grown woman who sleeps with a Winnie the Pooh teddybear at night?
This all makes me very sad.
Posted on 2016.09.24 at 11:08
My Russian ex-girlfriend finally arrived in Hangzhou yesterday. She had told me she would be here on September 5th. Unsurprisingly that did not happy, but legit she is finally in China now. I had told her she had up until July 31st to get here. She got here on September 23rd.
She texted me yesterday and I called her, speaking to her briefly. She is supposed to call me tonight, but seeing as she just got here, I imagine there is a lot she needs to do. She wants me to visit her, but I am going to Hong Kong next week.....and will see the Hong Kong girl. I have not told the Russian anything about my love life. We haven´t really even spoken for months other than her saying she was coming here. Eventually we will see each other. Either she will come to Shaoxing or I to Hangzhou. It is only 20 minutes away. I don´t know how she will react. I know she likes to play it cool, but I know her well enough to know that she thinks there is still a chance of us getting back together. I don´t really want that, but to be honest, I want to have sex. If we see each other the sexual tension is going to be serious, and I know I cannot control myself. It is stupid though I am going back to the United States in January. I belong in the opposite part of the world not in Asia. At this point I really am just counting down the days.
When I go to Hong Kong I will probably just kiss the Hong Kong girl. I doubt anything more could come of it. The distance is too much for anything serious to ever possibly develop. The Americas is where I need to be. I need to stop kissing girls with accents not my own for once.
Posted on 2016.09.13 at 10:04
Out of boredom I downloaded the Chinese version of Tinder. Unlike Tinder where even fat girls think they are a 10, and are too good for even Justin Bieber lookalikes, the Chinese women are a bit more realistic in this regard. I have gotten a lot of matches on it, but the language barrier has often been too much. I have started asking if they can speak at least basic English otherwise it would be such a catastrophe of a date I would not bother. Well to be honest I have gone on dates with two women who speak English, but both have been utterly unreliable.
The first girl I met we got along very well. I kissed her, but after that she got REALLY clingy. Calling me everyday, wanting to see me. It got to the point where I told her to relax with the text messages because it was just too much. I decided to tell her that I will not be in China forever, and told her she needed to choose whether she just wanted to stay together while I was still here or just be friends. She did not take this well at all, and called me a horrible human being who played with her feelings. I´d known her for at most two weeks, and kissed her once, so that pissed me off, and we got into an argument. I blocked her on WeChat, but she messaged me again on Whatsapp. I get the feeling I will have to block her on Whatsapp as well. Absolutely nuts.
The second girl actually was not the same person she had on her Tinder App! So when we first met, I did not even realize who she was. She was average at best so at first I was disappointed, but she had such an awesome personality, and we had such a good time that I ended up liking her a lot. The problem was that ever since our first date she has stood me up. Twice she cancelled out at the last minute, the second of which I was waiting for her like an idiot while she never showed up. Always something and I do not chase girls like that so I deleted her on WeChat. Girls who do that are really stupid because it never attracts any good guys, and to be honest with her average looks it isn´t like she was on the top of the list for guys.
This idea was so stupid I should not have done it. I was giving the Hong Kong girl her weekly Spanish lesson and I was looking at her while she struggled answering my questions. I was absolutely smitten looking at her, but ever since then we basically act like we never even kissed. I guess it cannot be helped for obvious reasons. I even drunk texted her once saying I miss her, but she never responded to it. I need to get back to the USA. Romance between countries is a fucking headache.
Posted on 2016.09.01 at 12:51
I received a message from the Russian girl announcing she would be in Hangzhou, a nearby city to me, on Saturday. This turned a relatively quiet day into one full of pondering over what the hell? I had not spoken to her in a few months as I have mentioned previously here on Livejournal.
Of course, the very next day she writes to me again saying there is a problem with getting her visa, and that it will take some more time.
Woman I am already counting down the days until my return to the United States, last week I kissed a girl in Hong Kong, and will go back just to kiss her again. I completely changed my plans for you, you brushed me off, and so I ended the relationship. By the time you get here I´ll be packing my bags heading home.
Posted on 2016.08.11 at 17:43
The summer schedule is finally ending. I am having a lot more free time yet again, and not knowing what to do with it. I have so much free time I even started pondering writing fiction for amusement again. That is something I rarely do since on my time off I would much rather play the guitar, or excercise.
I have started to get noticeably good at the guitar. If I was at a party and someone had a guitar laying around I could pick it up and play a few crappy songs. Nothing musically impressive, but enough to impress the average person. I miss playing the bass guitar still. When I return to the United States I plan to purchase a new 4 string bass. Enough with the old used ones I have! My Fender P-Bass is ten years old. I love the thing, but using that thing for anything other than practice is not a good idea really.
Two weeks from now I will be going on vacation to Hong Kong in a week. All I can think about is of all things finally being able to get onto Facebook! Due to all these restrictions in China accessing so many websites is extremely difficult. I´ve made due without them for all this time just fine. Not having Youtube was difficult because I watched a lot of shows on there. I am always amused when people spend money on Netflix. There are so many good shows for free on there the only difference being that they are old shows. Sure I can see the temptation of wanting to see Game of Thrones right away, but when I can watch shows like Lost on Youtube I do not think I am losing out on too much.
Besides the internet I have two friends in Hong Kong I will be seeing. I hope they will be able to show me around. I keep thinking there is a Jackie Chan statue on the island, but I cannot remember if it is real or not. I know there is one of Bruce Lee for sure. My internet search here in mainland China shows me nothing, but that is no surprise really with how unreliable internet is here.
Posted on 2016.07.30 at 07:51
Last week a Chinese woman I know helped me to buy some things I needed. She saved me a lot of time by helping so in appreciation I offered to take her out for ice cream. It is something I always do whenever someone helps me as stuff like this can go a long way.
So last night I wrote to her on WeChat (Chinese version of Whatsapp) if she wanted to get ice cream today. She then asked me what I plan to do. Well I plan to buy you ice cream that is what I plan to do. I caught on by her tone of voice what she meant actually as it came off very flirtatious. That plus she told me that she was at a bar drinking only reinforced that fact. So if I make a move on her she would not reject my advances. Hhmmmmmmm.....
Nope. Not going to happen.
While she is alright (I´ve seen prettier Asian girls) in the looks department I cannot get over my distrust of them in how they view me. Very few Hispanics are in China and those that are tend to be of a pale complexion so are often mistaken for being European or American. I have had people not believe me at all when I say I am American so sometimes to avoid having to explain my racial background I just tell them I am Colombian. Technically not lying to them that way. So yes people see me and they have absolutely no idea what I am. Some maybe think I am Filipino which is a very realistic possibility as I can pass off as one. The point that I am getting at is that I am exotic to them, even more exotic than a white man would be. A Latin man in China!
I think when you´re exotic even if you are not handsome at all people will like you just because. I have seen the ugliest of foreign men with decent girls. I feel like I mentioned this before, but I remember there was one particular incident in which I felt like going up to this complete stranger and asking him if he really thought that what he had was a serious relationship. The dude, based on his attire alone, could never pull off getting a girl from back home with the one whose hand he was holding.
All these ugly dudes with pretty Chinese girls. Imagine all the handsome dudes out there? Even with the handsome guys I want to ask them if they can really see themselves marrying and living their lives in China. This is something I cannot see for myself. Having a child whose preferred language is neither English nor Spanish is not something I would like very much. I guess one could bring them to the United States, but this is easier said than done, and the cultural differences, despite there being Chinese populations in the US as well, would be immense. My one friend here is dating a girl. A girl he would never be able to get with back at home. I keep asking him if he plans on marrying her, and he always gives me a maybe as an answer. It is clear to me he has not really put much thought into how serious a relationship is. When I was 19 I went on a date and had a 18 year old ask me if I wanted kids. I did not take the question very serious at the time. Now at our age I definitely would, but he surely isn´t. It makes me distrust his girlfriend because she is a bit more experienced when it comes to dating, so she should see that coming from him. I feel like she is very dominating and just thinks she can force him to do it. She forced him to go to South Korea pretty much which was such a stupid incident even he was ashamed to bring it up and I was the one who had to. Any situation where a man is being dominated by a woman in a relationship is doomed for failure.
I do not plan to do anything tonight other than buy her ice cream. I am not even in the mood to be mischievious. By my actions I come off as very strong minded and macho (guess some people would call it sexist, the wankers), which I know women find appealing. I even said something sexist to her, and she wasn´t crying for the pitchforks. She is at that age where she wants to get married. This I know. A guy I met traveling through Shaoxing hung out with her a few nights. Decent guy, but a loser so he did not know how to handle her. I suspect she would like to move to the United States. Most people do love my country after all. She´ll be dissapointed tonight, but I won´t be with that delicious ice cream cone I´ll be having!
Posted on 2016.07.14 at 11:20
Maryland girl cut off all ties with me. We had not seen each other the past week because our work has kept us busy. I guess not having me around gave her enough courage to text me saying how she did not want to see it anymore. As usual, she wrote how she did not want to worry about someone (me) kissing her when she did not want it. Never mind the fact that she kissed me goodnight the last time we saw each other.
Nothing but drama and running away. It is always easy to do something like that on your cell phone, but if we were face to face she wouldn´t try that at all, and wouldn´t mind my kisses. That kind of attitude pisses me off. Take responsibility and do not make it sound like I am a criminal. You kissed me I kissed you it was not one sided at all.
I get tired of this drama. I cannot even make a serious effort with women anymore because of this sort of stuff so they just end up getting burned. I was thinking how a lot of women probably view me as their "mistake" but will never accept that it takes two to tango, and that I would be willing to settle down if they just accepted taking responsibility for their actions. It was because of a lack of being an adult that I ended it the Russian woman in the first place. All this is truly dissapointing. I doubt I will meet anyone else in my time here in China. As I mentioned before I have little interest in being with a Chinese woman and getting tied down here. Most of the other foreign women here are Russian and no way am I going down that road again.
Posted on 2016.07.02 at 16:07
Well our no longer talking did not last very long, and things have slowly gotten more intimate between us. Last night especially was the case. We have not had sex yet, but things are getting closer and closer to that. She still has her boyfriend back home. I guess she realized that us not being intimate was just impossible. We were talking once and I told her how we are poison to each other. This will lead to no where. It is not possible. Even though Maryland is close to New Jersey it still is not that close to make anything possible.
I spoke to the Russian yesterday. It was like she was completely oblivious that I had been ignoring her for two weeks. I only messaged her when I realized that. I asked her if she wanted to end it between us. A few months back I told her until July 31st. As you can guess however, I gave up on the Russian a while ago anyway. She said she is coming to China anyway so I asked her what progress had she made.
She is still waiting on the Hangzhou people, the same people who basically screwed up the original plan completely and sound completely shady, to get her visa stamped through. There was also another place actually in my city that said they would hire her, but that it would take three months to get the visa approved.
All this stuff regarding the visa process I told her months ago, maybe as early as January even. She decided though in her infinite wisdom to wait until maybe the beginning of June to seriously start looking. Completely idiotic.
I took it that the Russian would be able to handle it well,realize what was happening between us, and would just let us drift apart. Usually in the past women have gotten the hint from me. For her to message me yesterday threw me off completely. She must have noticed. So now I am thinking she may be in denial and actually believe that I will wait for her whenever she gets around to it. I do not know what to make of it. I did not tell her about Maryland girl. It is not like she has the right to know about that anymore anyway.
I asked the Russian if she would actually be able to make it before the deadline I put forth and she said she would talk to the shady people today and get back to me. I am so close to just cutting off ties with her properly. I don´t want to marry a girl with her lazy attitude so maybe it is better to get it done and over with.
Posted on 2016.06.18 at 17:01
Last night I made out with a friend. A friend who has a boyfriend waiting for her back in Maryland. The Russian as expected was not smart enough to figure out how to get to China without someone telling her what to do. I was surprisingly not as disappointed as I thought I would be about that, but her lack of being able to think past five minutes into the future was starting to get to me. This post is not really about that though.
I met an American girl here. From the very beginning we got along very well. Almost too well. You know how sometimes you meet someone who you just get along with so well immediately? Well that was us. Needless to say our friendship quickly grew to sexual tension. It could not be helped on my end. My relationship with the Russian was coming to a close, and her boyfriend was all the way back in Maryland. They had been dating for five months before she decided to come to China although I was surprised he did not follow her here. He is just working at the supermarket right now. What does he have to lose by not coming here with her and saving money? I don´t know. So she has been sexual frustrated for months now. It was a recipe for disaster.
I am not a good person when it comes to women. It is my one fatal flaw. She sent me a song by some guy named Hozier called "It will come back" and boy did it describe me in a nut shell. I know the effect I have on women. She is not the first person who has cheated on their boyfriends with me, even the Russian had as well.
Well last night things got really heated between us. She asked to come over so as to plan our trip for Shanghai even though there really was not much to plan. It was just an excuse to see me. We watched a television show for a while before I wrapped my arms around her. I could get really descriptive, but perhaps that is not something that should be written about. Needless to say we kissed passionately for a long time that night.
This weighed on her conscious however and this morning she spoke with her boyfriend and told him what she had done. I had told her to just keep it between ourselves, but the guilt she had was too much. I guess her boyfriend told her not to see me anymore because she wrote to me later saying just that. She wanted to stay friends, but at this point I did not care to say yes just for it to backfire and we end up kissing again so I said it was not possible. There was a mutual interest between both of us, and for us to keep our hands off of each other would be impossible.
We humans when it comes to relationships are so weak. It was so easy to seduce Maryland girl, Russian girl, and so many others. I have come to like R & B so much lately because everything they say in the songs is true. Throughout all this I do not feel anything. No sadness, no grief. Absolutely nothing. I fell out of love with the Russian because she is stupid, Maryland girl I did not know long enough. In a certain sense I feel relief because yet again I am free. I had made certain plans revolving around the Russian. Certain sacrifices I was going to take for her, but now that I do not need to worry about it I can focus on myself again. It seems alright.
I know I am not a good person. To the few people that read my LiveJournal I realized that a long time ago so no need to chastize me. This is just who I am.
Posted on 2016.04.12 at 13:43
I am currently trying very hard to finish War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. I have been reading this book for months, even since before coming to China. The book is so long and he just drags it out, describing things meticulously. This is a good trait to have as a writer, but he just takes it to another level. I read it on my Kindle so I do not know the exact page but I am at 88% right now. Now 12% may not seem like a lot but with Tolstoy this still will take forever. It is annoying because I rarely like to read more than one book at once. It is stupid I know, but I do this so I do not get so focused on one book that I completely forget the other. It has happened before.
Everyone says Russian literature is amazing, but I am starting to think that maybe it just takes itself too seriously. I enjoyed Dostoyesvky because of the religious undertones in his books but Tolstoy made his book feel like a history lesson. I have learned more about the French invasion of Russia than I ever cared to know because of it. Russians always seem so serious about everything; it is like they do not know how to have fun when it comes to writing. I would love to hear what passes off for humor in Russian literature.
I will be reading Don Quijote next in Spanish. This may be a daunting task, but I believe I am ready for it. I just need to finish this damn Tolstoy book first! Going from such a serious work to a comedy will make me really happy though.
I still write on occasion to amuse myself. I am currently writing a short story about a man who goes around destroying prized fish that were going to be used for tuna. It is on odd premise I know. I like writing these ridiculous stories though. They always are good for a laugh. I just post these stories online on various writing websites. I do not know how many people read them, but I am sure a few people will have a laugh at them.